Ngasinda ngoba ngahlolwa igazi

Ngasinda ngoba ngahlolwa igazi

Paison Maringwa

 Paison Maringwa
NXA ngikhumbula imbali yami ngizizwa ngisiba lokwesaba uma ngikhangela indlela engiphile ngayo.

Ngibonga kakhulu uNkulunkulu ngokungisindisa lokungisusa endleleni zikaSathane akade engidonsele endaweni yakhe okwesikhathi esedlula iminyaka engamatshumi amabili. Bengingumlandeli kaSathane lendlela zakhe ezimbi okwesikhathi eside empilweni yami njalo ngithole imivuzo yezono zami, phakathi kwayo yonke ngijeziswe ngegcikwane leHIV.

Bekungela enye indlela ebengingabaleka ngayo ngoba bengiphila ngingazinaki. Ngibhala nje lamhlanje ngemva kweminyaka elitshumi lasikhombisa ngibanjwe ngiphila legcikwane leHIV ngizizwa angathi uNkulunkulu sengixolele izono zami ngoba uqhubeka engenzela okuhle.

U-Isaiah 55 uthi: “Yekelani abalomoya emibi bekele izenzo zabo lalabo abalemicabango emibi batshiye ukucabanga kwabo baphenduke eNkosini njalo iNkosi izaletha umusa phezu kwabo ngoba uNkulunkulu wethu uyaxolela.

Ngemva kokutholakala kwami ngilegcikwane lengculazi ngithole usindiso kanye lenhloso entsha ngempilo yami ekade ngingakunanzeleli ukuthi ngingaba lakho. Khathesi sengilikholwa eliqinileyo, ngesikhathi sami engisitholayo ngiyabe ngizama ukunceda labo abalokhe bebambelele kuzenzo ezingalunganga lokhu abakuthi yibunandi. Ephepheni leli ngizakhangelisisa kakhulu ekuthini ngalithola njani igcikwane leHIV ngiphinde ngikhangelisise ukwamukela kwami ukuthi ngilegcikwane ngomusa kaNkulunkulu kanye lokuphila lalo.

Isifiso sami lamhla yikusiza abanye abaphila legcikwane leHIV. Kumele ngihambise ilizwi leli kubo bonke abafuna ukulizwa. Eqinisweni isikhathi sami sesiphelile ngoba sengichithe esinengi ngidlala lengqondo kodwa ngingakwenzi.

Ngomnyaka ka2001 ngagula okokuqala, kwakungathi ngile-malaria. Ngelatshelwa i-malaria ekilinika yeMkoka esigabeni seGokwe South. Kwathi ngokuya kwesikhathi kwathiwa kangiye esibhedlela seKana ukuyakwelatshelwa njalo i-malaria kodwa isimo sakhona sasesisibi. Isisindo somzimba wami sehla okumangalisayo lokudla ngingasakwenelisi. Ngaphuma esibhedlela ngaya ngekhaya abangakithi bathi ngiye enyangeni mina ngala.

Enye indoda yesigabeni engalala lomkayo ngesikhathi ngisaphilile yayihamba ibikela abantu ukuthi yiyo engifakele ulunyoka ngakho kumele ngivume icala lami ngihlawule inkomo ezimbili ukuze ngisile. Izihlobo zami zonke zazama ukuthi ngikwenze lokhu. Umama nguye owezwa ubuhlungu kakhulu ngesikhathi ngisala.

Ngabatshela ukuthi akusilunyoka njalo ngicabangela ukuthi yi TB. Kwathi ngomnyaka ka2001 kuNcwabakazi ngacela abomdeni wami ukuthi bangise esibhedlela seSt Luke’s eLupane.

Ngesikhathi leso-ke ngasengisele ngingamathambo ngokucaka sengehle isisindo somzimba nge25kg, ngase ngisinda okungaba yi-29kg kusuka ku-75kg zami. Abatshayeli bebhasi bala ukungithwala ngoba sengigulela ukufa bangitshiya eNdimimbili Business Centre, emapholiseni eLupane. Inhliziyo yami yaba buhlungu ngibona ibhasi inyamalala emnyameni.

Ngenhlanhla ngezakhathi zabo 10 ekuseni kwathutsha iroli eyayithwele amaphepha okuvota umkami lomnewethu bancenga ukuthi basithwale bavuma kodwa umtshayeli wasixwaya ukuthi uhambo lolu luzaba lude ngoba labo belokunye okumele bakwenze. Safika eLupane ngobusuku. Indawo yeLupane ngangiyazi ngoba ngezikhathi ngisaphilile ngangifika ngibhadala izindlu zokulala ngizijabulele labomahotsha. Ngalaya umkami ukuthi adinge indlu yokulala ukuze kusisa sivukele esibhedlela ekuseni.

Ngesikhathi leso umzimba wami wawulokhe uphela amandla sengikhwehlela igazi.

Ngelanga elilandelayo safika esibhedlela sahle sangena elayinini lezinye izigulane. Kwasekuthiwa ngiye kudokotela owathi ngiyekwenza iX-Ray kanye lokuhlolwa kwesikhwehlela. Ngasengitholakala-ke ngileTB ngasiwa ewadini yamadoda yeTB.

Ngesikhathi ngifika sasingamadoda angamatshumi amabili lambili njalo ngosuku kwakusiba lesigulane esifayo abanye labo belethwa lapho kwaze kwacina kungasela mibheda okwenza abanye balaliswa phansi. Kwakukubi kuleyo wadi ngoba kwakuyikuqala kwami ukulaliswa esibhedlela esikhulu.

Ngangikholwa ukuthi ngizaphuma kuleya ndawo ngiphila njalo ngasengizisola ngokungavumi kwami kubaba wolunyoka ukuze ngife ngokuthula ekhaya. Amahemuhemu ayelapha yiwo njalo angilethela ukwesaba ngoba abanye bethi ubhudi osebenza emotsha uyabe ehambahamba ewadini ngakho ekhangela izigulane engafika kuwe uyavuka ufile, ngayizonda lindoda ingelacala. Sikhathi sonke nxa evakatshele ewadini ngangikhangela eceleni aze ahambe ngisesaba ukufa.

Ngaqala ukwelatshelwa iTB ngasengisiba lamandla okudla. Umzimba wami waqala ukuqhela kwabalethemba lokusila kwami. Kwenzakala ukuthi ngesikhathi ngifika esibhedlela ngathola umphathi wesikolo esasiseduze lalapho engake ngafundisa khona laye wayefakwe kuwadi engangikuyo.

Ngajabula kakhulu ukumbona ngoba sengibone ukuthi angingedwa lapho, ngananzelela ukuthi konke lokhu kwakungamphathi, wayebona ingathi iTB yinto embi kakhulu eyayimehlele. Ngangivele ngimazi kudala eyindoda eziqhenyayo njalo kwakunzima ukuthi akwamukele lokhu.

Ngomnyaka lo kwakulodokotela ongumlungu owayekhuthalele umsebenzi wakhe ngakho wayethi nxa efika ewadini athi wonke umuntu ahlolelwe igcikwane leHIV. Sasimbuza imibuzo eminengi mayelana ngokuhlolwa igcikwane kanye lokuthi kwakungenziwani ukuthi siphile.

Ngenye ikuseni abahlanu bethu kugoqela lomphathisikolo saba lesibindi sayahlolwa igcikwane. Omunye lomunye wayeqala akhanselwe yikho ukuthi ngiqine khonapha kungumnyaka ka2001. Abane bethu kanye lomphathi satholakala silegcikwane.

Omkethu bonke babekhona kodwa owami angizange ngimtshele sikhangelene. Ngakugcina kuyimfihlo saze safika ngekhaya lapho sengikhitshwe esibhedlela. Umphathisikolo wayengahlalisekanga ngemva kokuba abanjwe igcikwane leHIV.

Ngelinye ilanga emva kokudla ukudla kwekuseni ngathi kuye “Uyazi ukuthi thina silenhlanhla”. Wangibuza ukuthi yindaba ngisitshonjalo.

Ngamphendula ngisithi sengike ngabona izigulane ezinengi ezibuyiselwe endlini ngodokotela sebehluleke ukubahlola kodwa thina sesihloliwe njalo sesikwazi ukuthi sibulawa yini. Wangiphendula wathi yena kakujabuleli ukuba sesibhedlela ngoba inyanga kaMfumfu yinyanga yemihloliso njalo abantwabakhe besikolo abayisikhombisa abasoze benze kuhle engekho.

Ngamtshela ukuthi imihloliso sike yabhalwa njalo izaqhubeka ibhalwa loba sesifile, kungcono ukuthi sikhangele ukwelatshwa kwethu. Umphathisikolo wala, ngenye ikuseni sathola umbheda wakhe ungelamuntu sezwa kuthiwa usebanjwe ezama ukubaleka esibhedlela. Kasazange afike ekhaya ephila kodwa imihloliso yabhalwa angathi akwenzekanga lutho.

Ngemva kwesikhathi ngakhutshwa esibhedlela kwathiwa ngiphenduke ukuzohlolwa. Umzimba wami wawusuthuthukile ngakho ngasengizizwa ngilenkanuko yocansi. Kwasekumele ngibikele umkami ngesimo sami, khona kwakuyinto enzima.

Ngazidla ingqondo okwamalanga njalo ngesikhathi lesi asizange senze ucansi ngoba ngisesaba ukumthelela kodwa ngacina ngimtshela indaba ezingemnandi. Wethuka umkami njalo wezwa ubuhlungu emoyeni okwenza lami ngaze ngamzwela.

Ngokuya kwesikhathi wehlisa umoya ngasengimkhuthaza ukuthi laye ahambe ayehlolwa kodwa wala kodwa wathi kumele siqhubeke siphila njengomfazi lendoda. Ngamcebisa ukuthi alucabangisise udaba lokuyahlolwa njalo ngalesosikhathi kumele sizivikele nxa sisenza ucansi. Wahamba wayahlolwa ngomnyaka ka-2006 watholakala elalo igcikwane.

Ngingathi ngilokujabula ngokuba legcikwane ngoba kwaqinisa uthando emulini yami. Indodakazi yami yokucina uRutendo oleminyaka yokuzalwa engu-21 watholakala elegcikwane ngesikhathi eleminyaka eyisithupha njalo wasamukela isimo sakhe.

Sizizwa sibusekile ngoba uNkulunkulu wasipha igcikwane kungayisikho ukuthi uyasijezisa kodwa efuna ukuba sinanzelele uthando lamandla akhe siphile kuhle kusimo lesi. Siyizithandani ezazakalayo eGokwe ngosekelo esilunika labo abehluleka ukwamukela isimo sabo.

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